When I was in seminary, I did my field education at a church where there was an ever-present tension—the words used in worship. In particular, the gendered language used in worship. The Bible and hymns use a lot of masculine language. There are folks who make a case that all of this masculine language is a problem. Two major reasons are the contentions that masculine language in worship (and in the life of the church) perpetuates patriarchy and kyriarchy.
The pastor tried his hardest (from his point of view) to use feminine, masculine, and non-gendered language in worship. There was a person on the worship committee who noticed especially the pastor’s use of masculine language in liturgies, scripture readings, and hymns. The pastor’s efforts to moderate the language were not appreciated by the worship committee member.
Last week I had a conversation with a pastor friend. He had just learned that a family was leaving his congregation because the church had taken part in a Pride event. The pastor pointed out that it was only a few folks in the church who took part. The church forced no one to participate. They do not have a Pride flag in the building. He felt they were trying to find a middle ground on issues related to human sexuality. The family did not appreciate the pastor and the church’s moderate (from his point of view) positions and left.
In the shower this week, I had the thought that moderation doesn’t win you many friends or points. People on extreme ends of positions do not appreciate moderates (although people who are extreme rarely feel they are being extreme). They often see moderates as traitors. Moderates should know better.
I have noticed this phenomenon in my life. It is easier for me not to get upset at a conservative Calvinist than it is at a fellow Wesleyan Arminian. If you base your theology on a lawyer, you get a theology that tries to tame and contain God. Very rational, but also makes God a monster whose plan includes the Holocaust and babies dying of cancer. I don’t get it. It’s so far removed from my point of view, I just don’t get upset by it.
I get very upset at fellow Wesleyan Arminians. Who (from my point of view) are so right on so many issues but are also frustratingly wrong on things close to my heart. For example, former United Methodists who left the United Methodist church over human sexuality (at least superficially) and joined the GMC. You have a hermeneutic that allows women to be pastors/bishops but absolutely rules out the possibility that LGBTQ persons should not get married or have the church bless their ministry. How does that work? To be fair, many left for other reasons, but there again, you read the Bible to exclude LGBTQ folks from being full members of the church, but you had no issue with all the warnings about acts of the flesh in Galatians 5 and your schismatic actions? Romans 14 doesn’t apply? Jesus did not mean his words in John 13 or 17?
In politics, moderates get attacked from both the left and the right. If you are a moderate, you get little credit for your moderation. Both extremes eye you suspiciously. The base of each party gravitates towards extremes and rewards extreme positions. Your opponents will tie you to the most extreme positions of the party you caucus with, whether or not you cosign them.
The greatest challenge for moderates is not the extremes, but that our society often frames issues in binaries. You are either for or against. Pro or con. Being neutral, agnostic, or taking a non-binary position on an issue does not win you friends on either side of the binary. If you are not fully for it, you are against the position.
This goes beyond extremes. When you feel strongly about an issue and a clearly stated position, it is hard to see people who do not fully agree with you in a positive light. It is easier to read bad motives into their point of view than it is to wrestle with why they do not fully agree with you. This is especially true when it feels like a matter of justice, or rights, or basic morality.
This is all depressing to me. My views are both left and right of center. Often (in terms of American politics and social issues) heterodox. I want to live in a world where we can value moderation and folks who operate from the center. Yet, the systems we live in reward the extremes. Binary thinking rules the roost. When you are a moderate, it is sometimes hard to have a clearly stated position because you see the world in shades of gray and contextually. Nuance propels your thought. I see the world in terms of paradoxes and tensions. I am uncomfortable with going too far on either end of the spectrum. When forced to take a position framed in a binary, I often want an asterisk.
The best hope for moderates is relationship building. People might accept your complex views if they like and trust you as a person. It’s not great for collation building unless you are trying to build a cult around yourself. But, at least in American politics and American systems, it is the only hope that moderates have in gaining traction.
In my experience, most people have complicated ways of seeing the world and issues. They may appear extreme or on one side of a binary. If you talk to them though, you realize that while they may be passionate about a few issues and mulled over them; they hold many of their other positions loosely (often so they are not in conflict with their social circles). Moderates, who can build relationships and trust, can sometimes enlist people who are not moderate to support their positions or causes. I contend moderation is a better way, but it won’t win you points, but if you do it right, hopefully friends.
